Shaadi Ki D.V.D
Is not this, the season of marriage? The union of two souls . The meeting of two bodies whose timing was decided in the heaven itself .Yes, but I am not going to brag about all that but I am going to drag a brag about the most important part of every wedding . The video recording. The cameraman and the light guy are much more important than the pandits in all these Hindu wedding. He arrives before the guests , acts like a boss, throws tantrums in fact he has more “ladkewaale” attitude than the so called poor ladka itself .The thing which irritates me…ok I accept I am jealous of the importance this guy gets .ok. The girls adjust their pallus and try to look at their prettiest best and yes they will pull that strand of hair and make it hit their face and then put it at the back of their ear. Time tested formula and to be honest it works. Kids would run around him as if he is the balloon guy. The auntyjis would smile for no reason and the unclejis would take a deep breath inside to minimise the pouting stomach and look better…. happens da and it makes the camera guy happening thing of the shaadi ..i thought about the people who are affected by him or his work..let us be careful………
The Third Person
We have no role in the wedding. We are neither close friend nor a relative; we just know the groom’s/bride’s family. We have someone who would be telling the The Second Person( more on this) a boring line like “mere saamne hi bada hua ji..dekho aj shaadi ho rhi hai “. I know a nurse and whenever she meets my friend she would scream at the top of her voice “ärrrrey , kitna bda ho gya hai, kal hi to mere saamne tu paida hua tha…aaj dekho to tjhe”. Almost kills him.
Coming back to the topic, our presence or absence creates no difference in the wedding. The invited guest is lured by the food and the moral obligation to attend the shaadi. We would gift a ridiculous gift which would be repeated by many third persons but we really do not care. That was a responsibility whether the gift would be of any use or not is not our concern at all.
We can be classified in three broad categories
a> The emerging players
b> The victim
c> I don’t care a shit types
The first type is irritating who are mostly guys who would find so many opportunities to come before the camera .He must be wearing some shervani or borrowed suit and would not miss any opportunity to flaunt it. They would also wear a “look-i-am-so-oblivious-of-the-camera-yet-i-am-so-good-looking”look and I can assure you they are hated and made fun by the people in category c. These I don’t care a shit types usually occupy the last rows of the seats as if it is a lecture and would almost gawk at pretty faces. They would jump at food and would be the first to leave the shaadi unless and until a pretty face comes in between (rarest of the rare case). The second category is the best. Hehehhe...it is the mamaji who was nose-picking or the close uncleji who was scratching the part of body inappropriate for the occasion( or for any occasion) or the poor girl/(usually) young auntyji who displayed too much out of her saree..These poor victims never know that they are victims until they see the DVD themselves and I am sure the camera guy never edits them knowingly as you see these shaadis are such a boring affair. Category b adds the spice.
The Second Person
Yeah, we are the second person. We are the close relatives of bride or groom and some of us do hate the camera guy. I mean look at his audacity, bossing around our house , telling us where we should stand and how inclined we must be . He , also advices us to shift things around. Dog.
I remember my uncle’s wedding where the camera guy asked me to dress him up. Dress him?? Like what? He is no kid..and can’t you see he is dressed. The camera guy looked as if I am from another planet and gave the frustrated look and said, “just touch or brush his collar and pose”. I protested, “Why?” He almost lost his cool “how do you think I am going to make two DVDs out of a simple marriage. I need material. Now genius, will you do that?” I compiled but could not contain my laughter doing the same. The camera guy got frustrated as if I was the last obstacle for his Academy award winning movie and found a replacement. Amazing now I cannot do as I want in my own house.
Like me there are many other victims, we the second person see the camera guy getting pampered all around the house, we see him ogling the girls and women around. We are asked to ask him about the food and serve him whenever his whim permits us. Frustrating. He will walk around the rooms considered out of bounds for outside people and yet hold a smug of being betrayed…haddd… L like the last time he almost blocked close relative, he said they are coming in the view and this camera guy is not supposed to be polite, At the wedding hall he treats himself as a king though holding an almost still camera. No, we do not like this guy but yeah, we can’t help it either. To be honest, the second person is the most affected victim of the camera guy. Poor us.
The First Person
It is all about us only. Yes, no matter the other guys say the shaadi ki DVD is supposed to capture the most b’ful moments of our life. Oh, i did not introduced ourselves. We are the first person or the bride or the groom or the idiots. Seriously, I thought the camera guy would be nice and pleasant but hell no. He was a dog, when i saw the DVDs of my friend’s shaadi i thought the guy would do a good job. The groom and the bride looked pretty happy in whatever they were supposed to do but look at my case. He kept on saying , sir look that side or madam smile more. I was terribly upset. Hello I am not going to look at the sky like an idiot with my wife/husband, hell no way. But i did exactly as i was asked to do so. Before the wedding i wondered if i would be camera shy but on the contrary i went out to be camera bored..hell i can live in bigg boss( it was funny by juhi parmar when she said to that porn star “do not be camera shy dear “…heheh) for any time they want, They give much more privacy than this camera guy and you know what he did as i was walking down the shubh-muhurat , this guy asked me to return back to where i started just because he did not open his camera lid.ass. All we have to bear just for this DVD.
The Audience
We are the purpose. We spend money. We are the victims. We are the audience. We..errr ok we comprise of the first and the second person and the third person rarely share the space. We are asked or at some really stupid cases we ask for the DVDs. i mean seriously ??? you want to watch someone else’s marraige? c’mon guys .that could not be fun, but we do such things. The DVD would be having some boring songs citing invincible love between the pair and guess what its an arraigned marriage.The advantage being an Indian is that no matters how bad we look the whole family would set out to find the right partner for you.
Among us there are some pesky neighbours who would like to know how much dowry was visible or d jewellery on the bride’s neck, head, ears…or wherever…or the famous auntyji who would be checking out girls . I was trying to get a better phrase but i could not, they actually do that only. “arey sharmaji ki ladki badi ho gyi.” “sunghji ki choti beti ki padhai ho gai,” “wo laal lehenge waali ladki kitni sundar hai “and so on..it never ends …God knows the importance of DVDs and esp the cute girls visible in it.
Some times the party who owns the DVD send them to ther friend to watch it, and we the audience do that, it like a sooraj barjatia film with the whole family watching and there are no intervals.Gross.If we aere at wedding someone would shriek and shout his/her presence to the whole audience and in case we were lucky enough to miss the shaadi ,we would repeat the same action when someone in the DVD is shown and we know him/her.”arey wo dekh wo dek, tinku ki mummy kitna make-up karjke aayi hai…heheheh….” In case you have had a better , more dignified and well behaving audience….i assure you..we pity you
The amazing part is….err you do remember the victims of the third persons, right?. yes wen we watch them…we all know what they did or fell for but nobody talks about it..hahah
. Yes it is funny…hehehBut yes the audience never remembers who the camera guy was..what were his atrocities and why the third,second and the first person hated him, we just watch the DVD and some of us do enjoy it.
